i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
