dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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