I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
