i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
