Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
