She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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