Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize