someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
worst night to have a conscience
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
