I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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