where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize