I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
