I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
