Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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