I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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