ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
