If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize