my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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