My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
