How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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