so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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