so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
