You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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