I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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