did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
