i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
