There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My feet surprised me
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