can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
