The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
