I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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