I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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