I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
