Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
