yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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