she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
