My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
