I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
