Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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