i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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