Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
