"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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