So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
