True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
