well I can't set my house on fire every night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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