May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
