why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
