I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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