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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

  (1-607): View more from New York

  Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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• (818): View more from California

  On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?

  (1-818): View more from California

  I'm about a 7.95

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• (510): View more from California

  I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.

  (1-510): View more from California

  Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I wish drunk me came with subtitles

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• (845): View more from New York

  He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon

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• (214): View more from Texas

  You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.

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