If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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