im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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