dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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