I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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