The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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