12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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