They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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