I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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