If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
