either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
