morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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