I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
