My girlfriend figured out who you are.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dignity is for republicans.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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