I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize