After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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