My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Enjoy the penises
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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