well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
