I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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