To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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