Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
