We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
