I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
