Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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