Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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