Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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