took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
