38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
