It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
