so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
