I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
