I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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