My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
