So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize