i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
