The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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